inquiring minds

international teaching

I’m Back / Vulerability

3 Comments

“Do you have a blog?”
“Yes, but I haven’t posted on it in a year.”
“Well then, no offense, but why do you have a blog then, what’s the point?”
“…I don’t know…”

-An actual conversation had between me and a fellow COETAILer at our first official face to face meeting. 

When I think about not blogging all the usual excuses surface, ‘I’m so busy…I have my class blog…I don’t have a desk…I just moved half way across the world for heaven’s sake!’

The truth is I know myself as a writer and it takes me a painfully long time to write anything I feel is worth posting. On top of that I continually psych myself out, analyzing every phrase, guessing what others will think about my ideas, thinking up my own counter-arguments. I think everything sounds fake, superficial, pointless, it’s endless.

I don’t want a blog that feels like a mask. I want it to feel like me.

I also don’t need a blog to show the world what I do in my classroom. I have one of those.

The actual truth is – I’m chicken.

I’m just plain afraid of what others will think.

The worst is when I start to think of all the great bloggers already out there. How they somehow tap into their souls and write from the heart.

How can I be vulnerable and still keep up the illusion of ‘teaching excellence’? It takes courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable to the world, to open yourself to judgement and ridicule. Can I admit that sometimes I feel like a garbage teacher? That I make mistakes? Sometimes show my anger?  That I have bad days where I’m not as prepared as I should be?

The blog I want to have includes honest reflection on the good and the bad. My unabashed feelings about learning and the future of education.

I like it when teachers can be open and honest with their practices. My favorite blogs are the ones filed in my RSS reader under ‘Introspective Teachers‘.  Teachers like John Spencer, Pernille Ripp, and Royan Lee make me rethink how I teach and what I teach and why. They leave me feeling raw and ashamed but also like I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who struggles with these issues.  The best teachers do too. Truly reflective teachers face them every day.

What can I learn from these expert bloggers who aren’t afraid to be real? Can I be vulnerable on this blog? Do I really want to?

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3 thoughts on “I’m Back / Vulerability

  1. Thanks for the kind words! Great to be included with the likes of Royan and Pernille.

    • I speak the truth. I appreciate your writing, full of honesty and introspection. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. Hi Alie, I love how this has begun and am really interested to read on and see whether the inhibitions you note here fade and how you develop your blog to add value for your readers. I’m also thinking it may be worthwhile to take baby steps to avoid what I think Renee’ Brown refers to as a “vulnerability hangover”

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